Stomach, not hunger, pangs

The one thing that still plagues me is being able to feel my stomach. If you looked at me, you wouldn’t think I’d have a reason to be as aware as I am about the area of space that exists between my sternum and hip bones. But I do.

It’s not that I have excess fat rolls on my stomach, because I don’t. But, because I’m a former professional dancer, I didn’t have excesses of anything, whether it be skin or fat, until I was 28 years old. Just to prove to myself that I’m not as fat as I feel, I’ve spent much time standing in front of various mirrors taking pictures of myself with my iphone(of my backside, which makes aiming the camera a challenge). Every time, I’m shocked when my, seemingly, larger-than-life “love handles” are not as large as they feel.

The thing is that while I’ve come to accept my “healthy” self, I’ve yet to embrace how my healthier self feels when I put on fitted clothing, when I sit, and how it feels before, during, and after I eat.

I know, though, like everything else that has dissipated after I’ve practiced acceptance long enough, this will, too (I hope).

After all… why is it so bad to be able to feel my stomach? Where did I learn that it wasn’t okay?